January 2011
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I just pulled my camel toe!
– My mom, not knowing what a camel toe is.
December 2010
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My grandma said ‘whisker burn.’
– Samantha Samuels, waking up this beautiful text.
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My mom is convinced we both have Whooping Cough.
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fantasyorbit asked: why?
fantasyorbit asked: why?
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I have cold medicine. I’m high right now.
– My mom on the phone with my sister.
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ASK ME SHIT ABOUT SHIT. →
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My Day Thus Far.
Me: Madea Goes To Jail is on sale!
Me: AND I CAN'T FIND ANY COPIES.
Me: I've been in this aisle for 30 minutes trying to find the movie.
Sam: Hahahaha. Maybe she went to jail.
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It’s 4am and I’m listening to my girlfriend make squeaky dolphin sounds on the phone.
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I got a cold from my niece.
And you know little kid germs are awful. I might get eaten alive… my mom is sick too, all vomitty and shit. I’m hoarding my cough medicine because I don’t want to get too sick… BUT EVERYTHING HURTS AND I DON’T WANT THE PLAGUE.
I was gonna get my hurr did today too… and go to Target. I HAVE TOO MUCH HAIR, SOMEONE CUT IT PLZ.
Anyone want to treat me to a...
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Asked if Major League Baseball is ready for an openly gay player, Willie Mays...
– The Wall Street Journal (via imaginasian)
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